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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942393">The Conscience of the King</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughbutidontwantto/pseuds/ughbutidontwantto'>ughbutidontwantto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Reveal One-Shots I Wrote in 2014 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(kind of), Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Gen, I don't know you guys don't you just want characters to talk to each other sometimes, Legal Drama, Post-Magic Reveal, arthur is experiencing an emotion and needs some help, posting a fic 6 years after writing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:33:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughbutidontwantto/pseuds/ughbutidontwantto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's magic was revealed and now everyone has to deal with it in an official capacity since tragically most of these characters work in government. Arthur, predictably, is struggling to cope.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Reveal One-Shots I Wrote in 2014 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886992</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>200</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Conscience of the King</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well cool, who wants to party like it 2012? Honestly, I wrote a bunch of merlin fanfic like six years ago and have only just decided to post it now for no particular reason at all. Fun fact: I was much, much nicer back in 2014 apparently. I would not extend nearly as much grace to a certain Pendragon if I was writing him these days.</p><p>I don't own anything except my grammatical mistakes.</p><p>Finished February 21, 2014 at 4:20 AM<br/>Revised March 29, 2020 at 3:50 AM<br/>Posted August 16, 2020 at 4:45 PM</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In a strange way Merlin was glad that Arthur had decided to place him in the dungeons. It was hardly a pleasant way to spend a night and it didn’t really do much for his frayed nerves, but the quiet did give him the much needed opportunity to collect himself. The recent months of relative peace meant that he was the only occupant, which was good because he didn’t think he could have handled having another person in his presence right now. It was why he didn’t really grudge Arthur his command that no one was to see him while he was down here, and why he didn’t mind that his friends had decided to listen to their king. It would only have complicated matters even further and this was the sort of situation that was unlikely to hold up against even the slightest additional stress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides—and he couldn’t help the small smirk that appeared on his face—whatever hurt feelings he might have had were mollified by the obscene way that Gwaine had shouted at the guards earlier. (Thankfully Percival had anticipated his friend’s agitation and was able to remove the errant knight before he could do any real damage.) So while he wasn’t exactly thrilled by the darkness and the smell and the aching thought that he might never again be able to spend time with his friends the way they had only ten hours ago, he recognized it might be for the best that Arthur had demanded that they all take a night to breathe before the real shouting started. And it would start, of that Merlin had absolutely no doubt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They knew his secret. Arthur knew his secret. How could there not be shouting? It was impossible to ignore the betrayal in Arthur’s eyes. Merlin regretted that, he really did. Arthur had had a whole lifetime of betrayal he was still working through and he didn’t need this from his closest friend. (Because of course that’s what he was, even if the prat would never deign to admit it aloud and the warlock was relatively content to follow his lead.) So now, a full seven hours after his entire life changed, he allowed himself to feel the full weight of that regret. Merlin almost wondered if there was some sort of charm in the stonework of his cell that amplified negative thoughts, one clearly designed to wear down the prisoner. Never before had he been quite so struck by the full extent of his own cowardice in not telling Arthur the truth about himself. Because it was, and in oh so many ways. For one, as Emrys the mighty bringer of Albion, his reticence was a serious dereliction of duty. If there was anyone who could convince Arthur to see the potential in magic, it should be him. Perhaps, if he had been more open, the laws would already be repealed. But even more than this was that Merlin couldn’t escape the crushing realization that he had failed as Arthur’s friend. He shouldn’t have had to find out like this. Not without any warning or preparation.  They should have had a reasonable conversation like adults. Merlin should have gone to him a long time ago, and he knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was no changing it. Not now that he’d spent all night in a cell charged with treason. Well at least he thinks he’s been charged. It actually wasn’t all that clear. At the time he had been so numb with shock and so determined not to fight whatever decision Arthur made that he hadn’t actually been able to pay attention to what it was that he said. The only thing he could be reasonably certain of was that some sort of council would be convened tomorrow, now today, to decide his fate. He had no clue who would be there nor how serious it would be. In Uther’s time, mock trials were hardly uncommon, and that’s assuming there would be a trial at all. Arthur wasn’t his father and Merlin had trouble imagining his king being so unjust, but at the same time—and as much as it pained Merlin to admit this—he never had any luck predicting how Arthur would react to magic. It was difficult to undo twenty-five years of conditioning by your psychopathic father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t entirely sure how much longer he would have to wait in here. They had returned to the castle around 9:30 at night and he knew that it must be near 5:00 in the morning now. Would Arthur want to do this as soon as he got up? Would he want breakfast first? Perhaps he would keep putting it off until he could just forget everything he had seen and everything could go back to normal. He half suspects that if he went into this council tomorrow and told him it was all just a trick of the light and to stop being such a dollophead, Arthur would just blink and tell him to go and muck out the stables for causing so much trouble. Merlin was near tempted to do it just to see what would happen, but he knows he won’t. Both because it’s a ridiculous plan, but also because now that he’s here at this precipice he can’t bring himself to step back. This wasn’t the way he wanted this to happen, but now that it has he’s going to face it head on. Frankly, it’s about time.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got back, Arthur decided that he had to be alone. As it turned out, this was a decision that proved startlingly difficult to enforce. He had ordered that Merlin was to be left alone for the night and so it seemed their friends had determined that they were going to talk to the king if they couldn’t talk to the… </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorcerer</span>
  </em>
  <span>. (He was attempting to condition his mind so that he could reasonably say Merlin and sorcery in the same sentence. It was proving to be difficult.) Gwen and Gwaine had been the biggest impediments. His wife, he knew, simply wanted to comfort him and then probably to offer counsel. Her tender heart would demand that he not be allowed to suffer alone, but he had been quick with the lock to one of smaller studies that he had taken a liking to a few months ago. Merlin had found it for him because he thought that the King looked desperate for a bit of privacy. He was right. Merlin usually was. It was annoying. Gwaine, of course, came for a much different reason. He wanted to shout and Arthur was tempted to allow him this. A good row might help him focus his tumultuous feelings, but ultimately he decided against it. When he met Merlin tomorrow he needed to be sure of his own mind and he thought the best way to ensure this was through isolation. It seemed imperative that he remain free of all outside influence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others came, but they were quieter. Here and there, a plaintive knock on the door. Less a plea to be let in and more a small gesture to tell him that they were there if he needed to talk. He thought he recognized Gaius’s voice at some point. He was glad for it. He hadn’t even thought to inform the physician before he made his escape. If he had to guess, it was Leon who broke the news. He had the strongest sense of duty of all of them and had known Gaius almost as long as Arthur had. Besides, Elyan would probably have been too busy taking care of Gwen and Percival would be watching out for Gwaine.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He suspected there was another reason why they all came to him: they wanted to make sure he didn’t commit himself to a path he might come to regret. For two reasons they needn’t have bothered. First, whatever they might be thinking, he wasn’t about to execute his manservant. Even if it weren’t Merlin specifically in question, he hoped he would have the sense enough to at least fairly hear out the case of a man who had saved his life, even if he used magic to do so. But of course it was Merlin, which both simplified and complicated matters. Besides that, they needn’t have bothered because he already knew what they were going to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never really told this to anyone, but sometimes he heard voices in his head. Or actually, it might be more accurate to say that his head supplied voices whenever he felt particularly conflicted, but was being too stubborn to seek out help. The thing was, these voices always sounded suspiciously familiar. Right now, for instance, was the well-known and oddly comforting bombast of his father. Well normally it was comforting, now it was close to giving him a headache. The volume was nearly matched by the facsimile of Gwaine. The content of their diatribes was startlingly similar, with both furiously trying to remind him just where his loyalties ought to lie, though naturally the agreement ends there. In between the two extremes was the rest of his makeshift family, so that between shouts he could catch a gentle word from Gwen, something very rational from Leon, a clever point from Elyan, and surprising wisdom from Percival. But through the din there was a silence that seemed to be louder than anything that even Uther was capable of.  He would never admit it, but after everything that happened with his uncle, there was no one person that he put more faith in than Merlin and no one whose counsel he trusted more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that he was suddenly being forced to contemplate what his life might look like with a Merlin-shaped hole in the center, he was beginning to realize he might have been taking his manservant’s presence for granted. Going through his mind, he discovered, somewhat to his surprise, that when he imagined his future there wasn’t a single one that hadn’t contained Merlin somewhere in the background. His sudden absence was… jarring to say the least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though, perhaps his taking Merlin’s existence for granted was the precise reason why he was experiencing such turmoil now. Because the fact was the revelation of Merlin’s magic wasn’t nearly as shocking as he thinks it should be. Oh he was angry, certainly, but he wasn’t truly surprised. Merlin wasn’t exactly an uncommon topic amongst himself and the knights, particularly the strange, undefinable something that was so specific to Merlin. Sometimes he thought Merlin was his personal good luck charm. Admittedly, he was something of a half-baked good luck charm. The fact was that if there was any trouble within a ten mile radius it </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> find Merlin, but equally predictable was the fact that he would somehow always pull through and drag the rest of them with him. And that right there should have been his first, second, and last clue because despite the fact that Merlin went </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere</span>
  </em>
  <span> with him and was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so stupidly</span>
  </em>
  <span> loyal that he was constantly throwing himself in the path of danger, at a certain point Arthur had stopped worrying about the idea that this was going to be the time Merlin’s luck was going to run out. That was crazy, really, given their lives so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Actually, it was all crazy, which only served to infuriate him further. He was angry, totally and completely angry and that was the real reason he didn’t want to be with anyone right now. He couldn’t trust himself around people. He couldn’t even properly explain just what it was that was making him so. He was angry that the one thing he was supposed to be able to count on to be simple and constant was suddenly so painfully complicated that he could spend all night thinking about it and still see no solution. He was angry that his manservant, his best friend, just spent the past near decade lying straight to his face on a near constant basis. He was angry that he had made it impossible for said best friend to not lie straight to his face on said near constant basis. He was angry that magic even existed. He was angry that now that this process had been started, he didn’t think it could be stopped. And lastly, and perhaps most ridiculously, he was angry that he seemed to be the only one who was this angry. And until he could resolve at least half of these, he refused to call the council that would decide Merlin’s fate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, the council was called just a little before midday and was made up of a fairly small audience given the nature of the crime. Arthur, despite the raging inner conflict, recognized he didn’t want to harm Merlin more than he would have to as King of Camelot. He also knew that the more private the affair the more room he would have to maneuver. He would still wait to hear Merlin’s testimony, but his inclination was exile. It was a clean and efficient way to handle this problem. His servant would be missed, of course, but at least he wouldn’t be dead. It was certainly more than his father would have allowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The king looked at the rest of the people he had gathered as witnesses. He won’t admit it, but it can’t be an accident that he specifically requested the presence of Merlin’s friends. He wondered if he should be more bothered that he seemed so concerned for the comfort of a traitor, but he felt it was the least he owed the man for his nine years. Besides, they were his own friends too, and he knew them well enough to know that they would have demanded to be here even if he hadn't asked. Gwen kept trying to make eye contact with him, but he was afraid what he would see when he looked at her. Gaius was taking the opposite approach, in fact making sure to look anywhere except the king. Arthur found he hadn’t the heart to blame the old man. The knights, with the notable exception of Gwaine, were making quiet small talk. The façade might have been more convincing if there weren’t such a desperate edge to their voices. Gwaine was apparently content glaring at the door in wait for his friend to walk through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Merlin was finally brought in by the escort of guards Arthur had felt it necessary to demand all of his resolve suddenly crumpled. It had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>relatively</span>
  </em>
  <span> easy to consider exiling Merlin when he wasn’t directly in front of him—well easy after spending a large number of painstaking hours convincing himself it was the best option—but now he was seeing Merlin, really seeing him, for the first time since he had discovered his secret and the image was striking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The discovery of Merlin’s magic had clearly been an accident. And now that he knew, he really wasn’t sure he wouldn’t just as soon forget it if he could. But what had been most disturbing was the way Merlin looked, an expression on his face the king had never seen. It was supposed to be a nice day. They, the knights and the king and queen and Merlin, had wanted to have a simple day away from responsibilities. His reign was young yet and already some were calling it a Golden Age. The last year had shown a marked decrease in threats and a rise in prosperity. Peaceful was what it was, and in light of that taking a one day holiday out into the woods nearest the citadel had seemed harmless. And for the most part, it was. They had a lovely afternoon in the sun and though no one voiced it aloud, they were all thinking the same thing: this time might be the one time that nothing would go wrong. So of course it did: bandits. Not too bad a crisis all things considered. But there had been a lot of them, so that when everything had finally calmed down they were all too tired to notice that one that was still half alive (stupid, there’s always one left). Well Merlin had, but only out of the corner of his eye and he had been too busy tending to Elyan’s wounded arm to really process what was happening until his hand was raised, his magic and his instincts working as they always did to protect Arthur. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence that followed the obvious display of magic was deafening and even now Arthur can’t quite remember just exactly what was running through his mind between then and his daring escape into the study. But he can still see the look on Merlin’s face as he worked his magic. It wasn’t so much the golden eyes. When Arthur really thought about it he wondered just how many times he had seen that glow, just for a flash, but dismissed it because he refused to confront the idea that Merlin might be more than he appeared. It was the expression that shook him. As a king, Arthur was no stranger to what power looked like. Not just in the magical sense, though the fact that he needed no spell was evidence enough that his magic was strong. What showed on his face was the look of authority and confidence; Arthur thought Merlin had never looked less like a servant in his entire life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But almost as quick as it had appeared it was gone. Instead it was replaced by a curious combination of shock and horror. His eyes sought those of his master. Arthur can only imagine what Merlin saw when he looked at him, but whatever it was caused the servant’s face to twist with grief. Merlin observed him for a few seconds longer before he dropped to his knees. He closed his eyes and bowed his head and for an absurd moment Arthur thought Merlin might be praying. When he looked back up his face was completely blank. “I am at your mercy, my King.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when Merlin walked into the council chamber with the guards on each side—and how strange it was to see a version of Merlin who actually looked like he might need to be guarded—Arthur thought back to how his friend had looked during those five minutes that changed absolutely everything. He thought Merlin looked similar now. The fear and the depression and the regret were all still there, but so was the authoritative control. This wasn’t the face of the servant he had known for so many years. Though what really scared him was the look of resignation. The little idiot wasn’t going to fight him on his decision. The lazy, useless servant who never, ever did what he was told and who never, ever gave up wasn’t going to fight. That was simply unacceptable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dismissing the guards, he was about to say something, but his anger must have shown on his face because before he could say anything Merlin was speaking and for just a second Arthur thought he looked like Merlin again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, so, very sorry.  I was a coward for not telling you the truth. This isn’t the way you should have found out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The King adopted his coldest voice; he told himself it would help him stay impartial. “Are you sure you aren’t just sorry that I found out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aside from a momentary flinch Merlin decided to repay in kind, “I’m not sorry that you know. I should have told you all of this long ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur felt a spark of rage flare up at the reference to how long he had been lying, but he quashed it. “And you are not sorry for the magic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Somehow Merlin’s voice seemed louder than Arthur would have expected. It seemed to ring throughout the entire chamber. For a moment Arthur thought magic, but dismissed it almost as quickly. The volume, he decided, was the result of conviction. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even though by the laws of Camelot you have committed high treason against your king,” Arthur glared at Merlin, his frustration only increasing when he sees Merlin’s shoulders straightening in an even more obvious sign of defiance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That, my lord, remains to be seen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Arthur felt irrationally angry that Merlin should stand there so brazenly, “Remains to be seen?! What could possibly be left? You have been witnessed practicing magic! You cannot say you did not know of the illegality of your actions!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did, sire, and as a citizen of Camelot I have agreed to live,” he took a breath to prepare himself, “and to die by her laws, just as I have agreed to serve her King. I will not fight your decision. I stand here accused of treason, and I know the penalty is death.” Arthur suddenly felt like he had entered into a nightmare. Merlin was willing to die for this. If Merlin kept this up, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to die for this. A quick look around the table showed he was not the only one who suddenly felt sick. Gwen had tears in the corner of her eyes. Gwaine and Gaius seemed to be in competition with each other to see whose face could get more preposterously red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Leon who broke the silence: “Merlin, please, consider what you are saying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe me, I understand exactly what I am saying.” He looked to Arthur as if asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>do you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally Gwaine was roused into a rather loud speech, “Arthur! You cannot let him do this! Do not let him martyr himself for the hatred of your idi…” There were several shouts of “Gwaine!” throughout the room, but none was more emphatic than Merlin’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you must stop before you say anything you can’t take back, not when the king is in the mood to cry treason so quickly.” Arthur felt as though he had been slapped. He was not the one on trial here! He was about to say something harsh back when he looked at Merlin’s face and saw that his eyes were boring into his. He was begging Arthur to understand something, but he had no idea what. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speechless, Arthur put his head in his hands and took a loud breath through his nose, deciding to start this over. “Merlin, would you please sit down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would rather not, sire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t bloody well think I care what you would rather, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mer</span>
  </em>
  <span>lin! You are being accused of a serious crime and just this once you will do as you’re told.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will not, sire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His head was back in his hands. “You won’t make this easy, will you?” There was just the barest hint of a smile on Merlin’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will not, sire”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Merlin, let’s play it your way, then. You seem to have decided not to defend yourself, so what exactly do you propose I do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have every intention of defending myself. I just need you to ask the right question.” Again there was that pleading look. Merlin seemed to think it was obvious, but Arthur remained nonplussed, not to mention a little put out by the impertinence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right question? As I have said, what exactly is there to question! You are a sorcerer! You have yet to deny it! The laws are clear in this matter. Merlin, if you do not defend yourself you will be exiled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exiled?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instantly Arthur felt a deep foreboding, “Yes, Merlin, exiled. You can’t possibly think I’m going to have you burnt at the stake, do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin's voice was quiet, “As you have admitted, the laws are very clear on this matter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn the laws! Whatever you’ve done, I do not want to see you dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This seemed to only further Merlin’s resolve, “Whether you want it or not your father’s laws…” Arthur was suddenly out of his seat. He wasn’t completely aware of what he had done until he heard the chair bang against the nearest pillar and he saw those still sitting flinch. Merlin remained impassive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many times have you told me I am not my father?” his voice was thunderous, “How many times have you counseled me on knowing when to keep his legacy and when to forge one of my own? Do you want to die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin’s voice was upsettingly level compared to the outrage of the king, “Arthur, of course I do not want to die,” he sighed, “You know, in my time being here,” again there was a small smile even though it was sadder than the first, “I have had the privilege of seeing you become a good man and a great king.” He had used his normal placating tone and somehow the familiarity both touched and annoyed Arthur. Again he thought that maybe, just maybe there was a chance things could go back to the way that they were, but then Merlin spoke again, this time in a voice that sounded more tired than he had ever heard it. “But despite the fact that you are not your father, it is his law that still stands. And there has been absolutely no attempt to change it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Change it! Magic is evil,” Merlin was not the only one to flinch at that. Arthur, realizing what that sounded like, amended slightly, “It has unquestionably been the cause for so much destruction in this land. The people are frightened, would you suggest…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was cut off with surprising bite, “I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>suggesting</span>
  </em>
  <span> nothing, my lord.” Arthur supposed he could have pretended that that was said in deference, a servant apologizing for his presumption. But if the tone weren’t enough, there had been an outrageous emphasis on the third word which made it impossible to ignore the implications.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two stared at each other, Arthur practically begging Merlin for a life line. Finally Arthur swallowed, suddenly feeling young and vulnerable in a way he hadn’t in years. “Merlin, will you make me kill you?” Instead of answering, the servant went round to the overturned chair and pulled it upright before sliding it towards his king. Arthur only realized when he was again sitting that he had been perilously close to falling down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Walking back to where he was standing previously Merlin sighed, “I am not going to make you do anything. I have come to you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> king, as a citizen of Camelot accused of a capital offense. All that you must decide is whether I am guilty or not.” Again, Arthur got the sense that Merlin was trying to give him a hint, and again he failed to understand his meaning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how exactly aren’t you! You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> a sorcerer!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not actually,” in a move that was purely Merlin he chuckled and ruffled a hand through his hair, “I actually probably should have started with that bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean you aren’t a sorcerer? You were witnessed practicing magic by the Knights of the Round Table and the King and Queen of Camelot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said I didn’t have magic. I just said I’m not a sorcerer. It would be more accurate to call me a warlock.” There was a quiet gasp from Percival.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the difference?” Arthur felt a familiar sort of frustration; it was just like Merlin to split hairs at a time like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The difference is that I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>practice </span>
  </em>
  <span>magic. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>magic. It’s my birthright. It flows through me like my blood, and is as much a part of me. If you were imagining that I was somehow tempted into magic and that it’s slowly been corrupting me from the inside-out,” his nose wrinkled, “I am very sorry to disappoint you.” Arthur had, in fact, been thinking just that, but before he could say so Merlin sighed and added, “Of course I’ve heard it argued that all of this means that rather than becoming a monster I was simply born one, but I would hope you’d agree that’s a little harsh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignoring his discomfort with the thought of anyone ever seriously calling Merlin a monster, Arthur focused exclusively on the first part, “But that’s not possible! People aren’t just born with magic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t though,” all eyes turned to Percival. “Warlocks are rare, but they do exist.” He blushed slightly at all the curious stares and they could just make out his mumble, “I used to travel a lot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin gave the knight a very warm look, “You see, I have a witness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so it is possible, but how can I know that you aren’t lying when you say that you are one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin blinked stupidly for a few moments, genuinely taken aback by the question. It hadn’t occurred to him that he had fallen so far in Arthur’s trust. He felt a bit better when Gwaine snorted and could be heard distinctly muttering “Princess” in his usual disparaging way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t, I suppose,” Merlin’s voice was slow and deliberate, seeming for the first time to be unsure of what he was going to say, “But it’s how I got my name. When I was born my eyes were gold, so my mother named me for these small falcons that are common near Ealdor. If you asked her she would tell you the same and that I performed my first bit of magic when I was only a few hours old.” His brow furrowed for a moment, “I hope you won’t though. If I beg for anything, it is this. She’s spent my entire life being afraid that the wrong people would find out about my magic and I’d rather she didn’t know what was happening if she didn’t have to. She worries too much about me as it is.” Arthur didn’t say it, but he suspected that Hunith might be the only one who has been worrying exactly as much as Merlin deserved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you come here, then? Your mother sent you, didn’t she? Why would she send you to the heart of the war on magic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin flinched at the harshness of his words. “It was hard growing up. I was young and my magic… Without anyone to teach me it sometimes slipped out of control. My friend Will,” his face spasmed momentarily in grief, “well he found out… He swore he wouldn’t tell anyone,” it seemed touchingly important to them that they should trust his childhood friend as much as he had, “but my mother… like I said she worries. She was worried that with Will’s temper he might say something on accident so she begged me to leave. She knew someone in Camelot who might be able to help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” The question slipped out without any conscious decision on Arthur’s part to ask it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ask, Arthur.” Merlin sounded annoyed and a little disappointed. “If you don’t ask, you don’t have to do anything about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do anything, what do you mean? If there is another sorcerer living under my nose don’t you think I should know about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, frankly I don’t, and you’d be better off if you just forgot about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t just forget about it! As King it is my responsibility to follow any lead about magic regardless of who is involved. Even if…” his voice trailed off, his brain finally caught up with him. He was being a bit thick, wasn’t he? If there was anyone Merlin spent as much time with as he did Arthur it was Gaius, who, it was commonly known, had practiced magic before the Great Purge. Involuntarily, he turned to the physician. Of course it was Gaius. Of course he knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have known this entire time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I am afraid I have, sire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’ve also been lying this entire time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gaius didn’t get the chance to answer. Merlin, who had never once looked at Arthur with as much disappointment (bordering on contempt), spoke first. “He had no choice. I enchanted him so that he would keep my secret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin!” Gaius was furious, “Do not listen to the boy, sire. He speaks without thinking. I was most certainly not enchanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would you know?” Merlin’s voice was challenging, almost petulant. “I’m a powerful warlock; if I enchanted you don’t you think I’d make it so you wouldn’t be able to tell.” It was startling. Not a single person believed him, but you would never be able to tell from the way Merlin was acting, it was a perfect performance</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, mate,” Gwaine, for once sensible enough to recognize anger wasn’t his best option went for pleading instead, “No one is going to believe that you’ve been enchanting Gaius this entire time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin shrugged, as though this were a problem barely worth his time. With his stomach sunk somewhere down to his ankles Arthur brought a shaking hand to his hair. Merlin was right, he shouldn’t have asked. “Merlin, Gwaine’s correct. You’re clearly just trying to protect Gaius.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not; it hardly matters. I’ve openly admitted to it and you can’t do anything to actually prove that I didn’t.” He turned his disappointed eyes back to Arthur, the force of it hitting him with all that of a well-placed lance. “And isn’t this what people who practice magic do? They use their powers to take advantage of the innocent.” Arthur just stared back, their gazes meeting in a quick battle of wills which Merlin’s fury quickly won. Arthur looked down, rubbing his knuckles into his tired eyes. It took him a few seconds to understand why he felt so unbalanced all of the sudden. Almost from the moment that Merlin had blown his way into Arthur’s life, he had had his near unconditional support to back him. It had always astounded Arthur, who had never felt as though he had entirely earned the confidence his friend freely gave him. Now that he seemed to have finally lost it, he felt as though he had been cut adrift. It was mad that he should be so dependent on the opinions of a servant, but there it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully he was saved from such thoughts by Guinevere, who was determined to steer the conversation from such dangerous waters. “I’m confused though. I didn’t think magic was banned in Essetir. Would it really have been so dangerous to stay there? I mean dangerous enough to brave Camelot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though he made sure he wasn’t looking at anyone when he next spoke, Merlin’s expression shifted and there was something almost cruel in his derisive smile, “The hatred of Uther Pendragon knew no borders. It did not stop him from trying to hunt down my father. His fear has infected people far beyond his own and children are taught to be cruel to those who are different. Besides, it was not uncommon for bounty hunters to seek sorcerers to hand over to Uther far outside of Camelot’s borders, often with little evidence. And though it’s true Cenred and his father before him did not actively persecute magic, they weren’t above kidnapping sorcerers and turning them into their own personal weapons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forcing down the bile that rose at the image of a Merlin with blank eyes as Cenred ordered him to raze Camelot, the king focused on something he could at least get a grip on. “What do you mean about your father?” He realized his mistake when he saw Merlin’s face quickly shatter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arthur, please, don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want no more lies.” Arthur knew he should stop himself, but he couldn’t. He felt as though he was on the brink of some great epiphany. As scared as he was, he knew he was so close to finally figuring out the mystery that was Merlin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His friend’s expression was blank as he began, “Uther hunted down the dragons until there was only one left, Kilgharrah, the Great Dragon. To capture him he needed the help of the last surviving Dragonlord, Balinor, who had once been his friend. Uther told him that he regretted his actions and wanted only to make peace. In trust, and in honor of their past, Balinor summoned the last of his kin, but Uther betrayed him. Kilgharrah was imprisoned, Balinor hunted. As you know, he was able to escape Camelot. He hoped if he could get beyond the kingdom he might be safe. He was directed to Ealdor, where he was sheltered by Hunith, who had done this for other refugees before. My mother felt sympathy for him and in time they fell in love and were together for a few months before Uther’s men came. Though he escaped, the damage was done, and he decided he could never settle for fear of others getting hurt in protecting him.” Arthur had felt dread the moment Merlin had started speaking; he had guessed where his story was going, but hearing it out loud almost made him want to weep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a quiet intake of breath from Leon and Arthur numbly remembered he was one of the few present who had been in Camelot when the Great Dragon escaped. “Merlin,” Leon’s voice was a little awed, “if Balinor was your father, then that would make you a…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A Dragonlord, yes” Merlin had decided to take pity on Leon. “I didn’t know, not at first. The truth was kept from me until it was… necessary, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Balinor died,” Arthur could do little more than groan out the words. He couldn’t even bring himself to look his friend in the eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Merlin responded, tone matter-of-fact, “I know. He hadn’t known about me either. We were just getting to know each other when he took that sword to save my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you not to cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t have known.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a common theme isn’t it? I suspect all that I didn’t know could fill up several rooms.” He felt shell-shocked and angry. “I didn’t kill the Great Dragon, did I?” It was more of a statement and Merlin at least had the decency to look a little sheepish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it even dead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arthur, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if I asked how it managed to escape in the first place?” He was glaring again. A lesser man than Merlin would have probably shrunk at such a look, but Merlin, though clearly upset, remained firm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kilgharrah helped me, gave me advice. There were so many times where I was only able to save you because of him. But dragons are… complicated. They are ancient and wise, yes, but that also means that they don’t do anything for a simple reason. He made me swear that I would release him and… the way I did t it was unconscionably foolish. It was right that I released him, but I did it because I was upset at something else and I was naïve enough to think that Kilgharrah would be content to just leave after twenty years of imprisonment…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He killed innocent people!” This time Merlin did crumple at the anger of the king.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he whispered. “I have never forgotten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you didn’t think to stop him sooner! As a Dragonlord you could have…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Believe this if nothing else! I told you! I didn’t know, but even if I had, Dragonlord powers don’t work like that. They are passed from parent to child, but only at the moment of death. I wasn’t a Dragonlord until after we came back. When we faced him in the clearing, I was going to kill him, but he begged for mercy. He didn’t want to be responsible for the death of his kind and neither did I. But I swear, Camelot </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> safe from him. I ordered him not to return on pain of death; as a Dragonlord he has no choice but to obey me. And even now he still helps us when I ask.” Arthur forced himself to calm a little, focusing instead on the ludicrous image of Merlin ordering a dragon to do anything, let alone on pain of death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence stretched on after that. Predictably it was Merlin who broke it. “The important part, at least for now, is that you understand that if I am to be executed for simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>having </span>
  </em>
  <span>magic, then you execute me for being born. I break the law by existing...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, as you well know, Uther did exactly that. Kill children I mean. In the very beginning they were burned along with their parents, but I eventually even he didn’t have the stomach for it. So the move to drownings instead. All of this is written down, the speeches, the rationalizations, the numbers… You know it’s funny” he sounded quiet and sad and Arthur got the distinct impression that Merlin wasn’t entirely in control as he spoke. It seemed more like now that he had started he couldn’t stop himself, “I mean not really funny, but strange because all of the records about the Great Purge are easily accessible.  They aren’t on display so it’s not exactly like Geoffrey is proudly waving them around or anything, but they aren’t hidden either. They’re just books, like they’ve been accepted, just another piece of history. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Today,” Merlin put on a deep, serious voice, “ marks the beginning of a glorious time for Camelot. For too long we have been vulnerable to the threat that magic represents. It is a force of pure evil and as good, upstanding people, as citizens of a land built by justice and liberty, we cannot suffer such malevolent power to roam free! This war, this Great Purge, will be hard fought. I have no doubt that those who have fallen into the temptation of magic, will scruple at nothing to keep themselves safe. By standing against their evil, we will invite their wrath, but as long as we remain firm, as long as we do not lose sight of our righteous goals, I know that we, the mighty people of Camelot, will not fail to exterminate every last one of these terrible criminals. For those that are concerned, who might feel pity for these creatures, do not forget that they have already forfeited their lives for their wickedness. Their very existence is an insult to all that is right, and only through fire can there be any chance for our salvation from their perverseness.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Through his shock, Arthur was able to ask, “Merlin, just what the hell was that?” Merlin remained silent, and it was Gaius who answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was the speech that Uther gave just before the very first execution of a sorcerer. With those words he began the Great Purge,” he frowned at his ward, looking a little pale, “But how Merlin knows those words I cannot say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said,” he smiled bitterly, “these records all exist. There are several books of them just innocently sitting in the library. I’ve had a lot of sleepless nights, and questions I couldn’t keep from asking… The books, they’re strange though. The earliest ones are… meticulous. The numbers are so precise and the descriptions more detailed than you can imagine.  It’s as if Uther thought the only way to fight the chaos of magic was by being as exact as possible. But eventually it changes. The executions start happening en masse and the numbers become vague, measured in the dozens. Uther unleashed all of this anger and violence and once it started it couldn’t be stopped. Did you know at the height of the Purge as many as sixty people might be killed a day? Can you imagine that? What are the chances that there were really that many evil sorcerers living in Camelot? Or even just evil people, let alone the magic! I used to pour over those books to figure out the exact point  he must have stopped caring whether people were innocent or guilty?” He could all too easily imagine a younger Merlin torturing himself in this way, filling sleepless nights pouring over the very history that most people these days can’t bring themselves to talk about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough! Enough!” Arthur didn’t want to hear this anymore, he couldn’t take it. Maybe it was cowardly, but his father’s legacy was complicated enough. And it wasn’t like he had never questioned the war on magic, his current relationship with the druids was testament enough, but this… this was something else. He has been told since birth that magic was wrong, that fact had been one of the bedrocks of his life. His conviction had only grown as he had encountered more and more tragedy wrought by magic. What did it mean if they had been wrong? What was he supposed to do with the stain of so many unjust deaths?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” and Merlin really did look sorry, “but it cannot be enough. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> is Camelot’s history, this is what was done in the name of your kingdom and so you are responsible for it. It happened, it is happening, and it cannot be enough, for I stand before you after being imprisoned for the use of magic. I am facing charges that, if I am found guilty, will mean my immediate execution.” Arthur flinched. “So you, my lord, must answer to it, because if I am to be executed, I demand to know why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Arthur croaked. “You seem to know the laws better than I do, you already know why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And surely you understand why that is! Do you know how long it took me to witness someone being put to death for magic after I came to Camelot? Less than an hour, before I even met Gaius. Before I knew a single person’s name I knew the sound of a man being beheaded. A man who was my kin, and who so easily could have been me,” Merlin’s brief passion died at once, “He too had a mother who loved him. I killed her, you know, in saving your life. I did that with magic, and was rewarded for it with my position as your manservant by your very own father, a man I had spent my whole life afraid of lest he do to me what he did to poor Thomas Collins...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And So the first moment I could I went and found these records, I read the laws. It wasn’t a matter of curiosity, but survival!” Merlin looked at Arthur, stunned into speechless, and so quickly he continued talking, “And yes, it is important that we all understand why I’m now in danger of execution. It can’t just be because I’m a warlock; it can’t just be because I was born with magic. So is it because I used it? That can’t be right either, not when my magic has only been used in service of the crown, which has been, in part, acknowledged multiple times. Surely it would have been more treasonous for me to have done nothing at all and let you die! So what then! Is it because I was caught? As far as I can see, the only difference between today and yesterday is that now you know the truth. So this then, is why I must die?” Again Merlin stopped, and again Arthur couldn’t speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are hurt, naturally, because I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to lie. If nothing else, know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you shouldn’t have,” croaked Arthur, “You should have told me.” Arthur decided to feel no shame about his voice sounding so weak and vulnerable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You'd have chopped my head off.” There was almost something humorous in Merlin’s answer, but it was incapable of reaching his anxiety filled eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure what I would have done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I didn't want to put you in that position.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's what worried you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings. Me, I was born to serve you, Arthur. And I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change it.” Arthur had no answer to a statement like that. He found himself wholly inadequate to such unswerving loyalty. “Nor,” he added delicately, “could I risk anything, such as my discovery does, which would have prevented me from that service.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you doing this! I don’t want to have to kill you, so why are you asking for execution!” Arthur was desperate. He tried to look into Merlin’s eyes to see if he could find the answer. Why was he pushing Arthur into this painful situation? Why was he insisting this be so difficult? What is there to be gained by this brutal interpretation of Camelot’s law?  But then it hits him, for clearly that must be the point. This was Merlin doing what he always does, forcing Arthur to be a better man, calling him out on his idiocy and arrogance, and turning him into the king Camelot needs him to be. This moment, he realized, may very well be the making or breaking of him, of them both. Merlin knew this, it was his plan all along after all, and apparently he was willing to die for it if his king demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin sighed, “I’m not asking for that. I’m just asking that as King of Camelot you uphold your own laws.  I need you to understand that you become less just, not more by treating laws as if they don’t matter when they personally affect you. I am asking that you don’t make it so that the only reason that thousands of people burned but the only reason I won't is because I am closer to the king than they were. I cannot live with that, even if you could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand why this is difficult for you. I understand what it means if you have to start considering that your father was wrong. I understand that because I am your friend I have made this impossible for you. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you can’t allow yourself to have an opinion as just Arthur and that you must make this decision as King of Camelot. That is why I am not coming to you as Merlin, your manservant. I am coming as a subject to his king to stand trial for charges of </span>
  <em>
    <span>treason</span>
  </em>
  <span>, nothing more, and nothing less.” Somewhere in the back of his head, Arthur was reminded why he usually had Merlin write his speeches: the man could certainly talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t know what it is that you’re expecting, Merlin. The laws…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Arthur jumped at how insistent Merlin sounded. “Go back to the laws! That’s where your answer is. This doesn’t have to be difficult.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is this not difficult?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you even know what the law says?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do. I’m the King!” Even as he was saying it, Arthur realized that that wasn’t entirely true. He had reviewed a great many laws since coming to the throne, but he hadn’t really had a reason to look at the ones about magic specifically. Frankly, he suspected very few had. The intent at least was clear to everyone. He was taken out of these thoughts by a quiet “clotpole”. He looked up in time to see Merlin rolling his eyes and Gwaine snickering. It felt achingly normal which only made Arthur want to throttle the idiot. How dare he act like this was any other discussion, when this one would determine whether or not Merlin would live to see his twenty-sixth birthday. Just to wipe the stupid grin off his face, Arthur used his usual annoyed expression, “Well should I send for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t bother,” Merlin cleared his throat and closed his eyes, “‘Let it so be enacted that on this, the Twenty-Fifth day of April in the twelfth year of Our Lord Sovereign Uther Pendragon’s reign, pursuant to the wishes of above mentioned and approved by the Lords Temporal in the Council of His Majesty, that within the kingdom of Camelot the charge of High Treason is applied to any such person who is seen practicing sorcery and, if found guilty through the definition of the law, will thence be sentenced to death as is befitting this most heinous of crimes. As in all cases of Treason the king may decide to deny the prisoner the right to trial and may, if the circumstances demand, proceed straight to a swift execution. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘This law is in accordance with all previous Acts on Treason, especially that which was passed in the reign of Our Most Sacred King Bruta, the First Sovereign of Camelot, defining treason thusly: any act of betrayal of King and Kingdom, wilful or otherwise, but especially those acts whose intent it was to do specific harm to the body of the King, his Queen, and the Royal Heirs or to harm the general welfare of the Kingdom of Camelot and her people; any attempt made, successful or otherwise, on the life of  the King, his Queen, or the Royal Heirs or any attempt to disrupt the natural line of succession; any action which seeks to corrupt the natural governance of the Kingdom of Camelot, be it against the King, his Queen, or the Lords who rule in their name; any act of war or any attempt to levy war against the Kingdom of Camelot; any adherence to the known enemies of the Kingdom of Camelot, especially by giving them aid or comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Being so agreed by His Royal Majesty and the Temporal Lords of the Council, who through their signature below have ratified this law, let this document, which is but a part of a larger whole henceforth referred to as the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Criminal Law Act</span>
  </em>
  <span>, be circulated amongst the people so that all may know its content.’ I could list, well, most of the signatories if you like. I read that proclamation at least once a week for the whole of my first year in Camelot.” Merlin looked rather too pleased with himself, but before he could respond he was interrupted by the surprised chuckle of Elyan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, that’s brilliant!” Arthur turned to his knight startled. Imagine his shock when he saw that Elyan wasn’t the only one beaming. The faces of Leon and Percival seemed seconds away from breaking in half, while Gwaine and Gwen looked as though they were about to do a jig. Gaius was simply looking at his ward with a proud twinkle in his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, it’s like I said. This can be simple. If you want this all to be over, you just need to ask one question.” The expectant look was back in Merlin’s eyes as he stared at Arthur. He could practically feel Merlin trying to force Arthur to see the answer that everyone else seemed to think was so obvious. Then in a moment of perfect epiphany he understood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. It really could be that simple. It really </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>that simple. Just one question and this nightmare could be over. Finally he knew what Merlin had been trying to tell him this entire time. He didn’t have to kill him because by definition of the law, it wasn’t magic he was being charged with at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin was watching his friend carefully, “I can’t be sure, of course, but I choose to believe the loophole is intentional. We know how Uther meant the law and it certainly can and has always been interpreted that way, but since he wasn’t the one to actually write it… And even if they didn’t consciously include it, the Lords were still probably a bit leery about making it so people were being charged outright for the practice of magic. After all, most of them were old enough to have lived more than half of their life with magical folk as their neighbors and friends, and they all would have grown up during the time of the Old Religion.” Arthur had never thought about what life was like before the Great Purge, what it must have been like back when people didn’t fear magic and how they must have felt when they were suddenly being ordered to turn in people they had known their entire lives so that they could be executed. Magic had always been evil hadn’t it? The ban on magic was just non-magical people finally standing up for themselves. But that didn’t really make sense, did it? The Old Religion had reigned for centuries before it was suddenly brought down as its followers burned. Just what had his father done?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arthur?” Merlin’s tone was gentle as he summoned his friend back to the present. He was looking at him with a combination of anxiety and wary hope. Right. He was supposed to be finishing this. Just one simple yes or no question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He straightened up and took on his most kingly air. To his great amusement he saw everyone else sit up straighter in response. Instinctually he knew that it was somehow crucial that this be done in the formal way. “Merlin, son of Hunith… and Balinor, er, Dragonlord, you have been charged with High Treason. How do you plead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not guilty, sire.” They were both trying to keep their faces impassive, but Arthur thought he could again see the glimmer of pride he was more accustomed to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and turned to those sitting around the table. “And what advice from the council?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naturally, Gwaine spoke first: “Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>princess</span>
  </em>
  <span>, since I’d bet a year’s worth of wages that Camelot wouldn’t even be standing if it wasn’t for our Merlin here, I can imagine no man less deserving of the name traitor.” For good measure, he followed this charge with his most charming—and most roguish—grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elyan followed, “Merlin was a brother to my sister when I couldn’t be. I don’t believe he would even be capable of committing treason against the King and Queen of Camelot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Percival blushed at the sudden attention. “I am only here because the moment Merlin asked him, Lancelot dropped everything so that he might be able to help a man who had shown him such kindness.” He stopped to clear his throat a little, “So I speak for both of us when I say that Merlin is a true friend and definitely no traitor.” Leon placed a hand on the big knight’s shoulder and offered a sad smile before he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The oldest of the knights paused before he spoke and when he did it was with great care, “When I learned of Merlin’s magic, I was shocked certainly, maybe even fearful. I am one of the few active knights left who served under King Uther and I remember well all that we were taught about magic.” Gwaine leaned in about to say something, but Leon raised his hand hoping to silence his friend. “Peace, Gwaine. I said that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> shocked, but now that I have thought about it… Well it explains a great deal. How many times have we faced insurmountable odds only to end up victorious thanks to mysterious falling branches and swords that won’t stay in our enemies’ hands? Or, perhaps, even whole armies simply vanishing...” Another careful pause, “In light of that, my lord, I can only say that Camelot would not be the kingdom I thought it was if we were to execute a man for the crime of doing too much for his king. Beyond that, Merlin has proven himself as brave as any knight, if not more so, and I would hate to lose a brother-in-arms.” Leon turned to smile at Merlin and saw to his satisfaction that the manservant, who was not used to compliments and didn’t always take them well, was struggling (and losing) to fight down tears and a blinding grin. He did successfully refuse eye contact..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gaius, too busy enjoying watching his ward finally getting some of long-deserved credit, jumped a little when Arthur gently called his name. The king was looking at him in expectation. “Well, naturally, I find the boy innocent!” He snorted, “Even if he may or may not have been enchanting me since we first met.” The others laughed, even Merlin though he was still determinately staring at the ceiling supports.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally it was Gwen’s turn. Her face, marked by two tear tracks, was cupped in her hands. She tried and failed to speak several times before finally getting out an emphatic, slightly exasperated, “Oh of course he’s innocent! Who could be so stupid as to think otherwise?” Then she took a deep breath for control and turned so she was looking at her closest friend. “Merlin, would you look at me please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re going to say something that’s going to make me cry and then Arthur is going to call me a girl.” There was more—slightly wet—laughter. “Besides, you really don’t have to say anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I do,” and shaking her head at his stubbornness, she rose and walked straight towards him. She placed her hands on either side of his face so he had no choice but to look at her. Her voice was clear as she spoke, “Merlin, as Queen of Camelot I would like to thank you for all that you have done for this kingdom.” Merlin was about to argue, but she shushed him. “You are going to let me say nice things about you, now, I command it. Merlin, I have always known you were special…” tears sprang back to her eyes, “But as Gwen, the girl that you have always been such a wonderful friend to, I would like to thank you for saving the life of my father, for saving Arthur, for saving me and my brother, for all the things that I’m only beginning to realize must have been you, and for all of the many things that I probably won’t ever know. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I didn’t have the chance.” She was about to say something else, but it got lost in a sudden overwhelming rush of affection, so instead she grabbed him in a fierce hug. It was returned with equal force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While everyone else was pretending that they were giving the two friends privacy, Merlin moved closer to the queen’s ear. “I thought I told you not to make me cry,” which only inspired giggles and another wave of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Arthur felt that they had finally reached the point where such a lack of decorum was unseemly, he cleared his throat. “This is technically still a trial.” He tried his best to look and sound annoyed, but couldn’t quite manage it in the face of seeing the two people closest to him so happy. Besides, it only made his wife laugh more. She said something in a low voice to Merlin which inspired a similar response, and Arthur was sure that it was at his expense. (He was right.) Finally they separated and she used her sleeve to wipe away any evidence of the offensive tears. With serene grace she sat back down at the table. Her husband turned to her with a look, to which she just shrugged and said, “Well, I wanted to be absolutely certain that one of us was going to thank him. Were you going to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clearing his throat to avoid her stare he said, “I thank the council for its advice.” Just because they all lost control, doesn’t mean he has to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Arthur turned to his friend he wasn’t surprised to see him staring back. To his chagrin a touch of wariness still remained in Merlin’s face, but he supposed it couldn’t be helped. He smiled, “Well inarguably, the council is in favor of acquittal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what of the King?” Merlin was completely still, more so than Arthur had ever seen him. Not for the first time since this all started he was forced to wonder just how large a toll all of this was taking on his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The King,” he responds quietly, “is inclined to agree.” He watches as Merlin finally starts to breathe again, one facial expression chasing another much too quickly for Arthur to properly identify. He realizes that the warlock is shaking and Arthur is silently thankful when for once he shows enough sense to fall into a crouch before he completely collapses. Merlin’s arms are folded on top of his knees, his bowed head resting on top of them. This time, they really do allow him his moment of privacy, not a single person unmoved by the strength of the emotions rolling off of him in waves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally he was able to slowly unfurl himself so that when he finally looked back up, he was able to stand with a straight, proud back. His hands were behind his back and his face, though still clearly moved, was under enough control that he could look upon his king without fear or shame. When Arthur looked at him now, he found it much easier to imagine the sort of Merlin that could command a dragon. This outward display of control didn’t make it any easier for him to speak though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t… I had hoped, but… after everything…” he swallowed, “For so long, I have waited for this. Thank you, Arthur; clearly, I don’t know what to say.” For just a second Arthur considered falling back into their easy pattern. After all, didn’t they usually work out their feelings through banter? But just this once he decided to actually say what he ought. How much pain might they all have been spared if he had done it sooner?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Merlin. Do not thank me for this. I just did what you told me, go back to the law. If I had ruled any other way, I would have proven myself unfit for my crown.” He took a second to prepare himself, “Though whatever damage would have been done to my conscience, it would pale compared to what would be done to my heart. I told you once that I couldn’t bear to lose you. I turned it into a joke, but the truth is…” Nope he couldn’t do it. He tried, he really did. And he thought that maybe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> he could have in private, but Gwaine looked way too pleased for him to ever possibly finish. And then Merlin had the nerve to laugh at him. It was only a short, quiet chuckle but it was enough to merit at least a glare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh don’t worry, that joke back then didn’t fool me for a second. Besides with you, I’ve learned to read between all the extra chores.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you could try showing just a little less cheek.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An unconcerned shrug was followed by a well-worn, “You’d get bored.” The whole thing felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>normal that Arthur was tempted to ignore the small disconcerted pit in his stomach. But as much as he knew that he almost certainly couldn’t properly live without Merlin, he also knew he couldn’t just push past this feeling. Absolutely nothing had changed, except that everything had. And even though he was mostly sure that he could still trust Merlin, his father’s voice was still there telling him in impressively creative language that he couldn’t. Pretending anything else would be a disservice to all they had accomplished today, painful as it had been. This thought must have shown on his face because the room instantly sobered. Merlin, who had been answering a question put to him by Percival, looked to Arthur with a small frown on his face. Displaying his typical fluency in all things Arthur, the confusion gave way to a sad sort of understanding. Again he straightened himself in preparation for whatever the king was about to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merlin, believe me when I say that I do not bear you any grudge for this secret of yours. I understand that nothing has really changed, but, well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has,” he sighed, “It was a big secret, one that I kept for a very long time. Of course it changes things.” He was being so gentle and so kind. Arthur found that he was just selfish enough to allow Merlin to make this part at least easy for him, even if it makes him hate himself a little bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I just need some time. I need to wrap my head around things.” He didn’t know why he was pleading; it’s not as if Merlin is going to argue with him. Maybe this desperation was only within himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin smiled reassuringly, his eyes filled with so much understanding it felt, perversely, almost like a curse. “I’ll go to my mother’s. It’ll be nice to see her again. She always tells me it’s alright, but I can’t help feel guilty when I go too long without visiting. And it might help make people less suspicious. There weren’t many present to see me taken down to the dungeons so that should at least keep rumors down.” He looked questioningly to the rest of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If the servants are talking about last night, they are doing so very quietly,” Merlin nodded gratefully at Leon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, that means either they really don’t know or they’re choosing to be tactful. In any case, scandal will likely be avoided. Though there will be few eyebrows raised at the idea that I’ve actually been given time off.” Arthur smiled weakly, but he was too consumed by his own thoughts to properly respond. So not only was Merlin going to be completely understanding, but he was also apparently determined to continue taking care of Arthur even though this temporary parting seemed to prove how little capable Arthur was of reciprocation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur studied Merlin as he was talking to Gaius and the knights. He guessed he was making preparations for his absence. Arthur wondered if they could see the slight dip in Merlin’s shoulders or the tightness around his eyes, because he couldn’t stop seeing them. He wanted so desperately to be able to say that actually, no, as it turns out he doesn’t need time at all, but he could not, just like he couldn’t bring himself to finish telling Merlin just how much he means to him. He wondered if he’ll ever be able to. He was painfully aware that he’s failing right now, that what he’s doing feels too perilously close to rejection. Though Merlin probably would never say it, it wasn’t just the chopping block he was afraid of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Arthur truly does need to make sense of all of this and he doesn’t think he can do it with Merlin around. He hadn’t necessarily meant that he must leave, but now that Merlin has suggested it, he could see the logic in it, especially since this will likely result in long term legal changes, and it will be crucial to avoid any suspicion of corruption. So Merlin would leave, and they would both be hurt by it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s mostly resolved by the time Merlin turned to him and said, “I should probably go pack. For the sake of daylight if nothing else, it would be best if I left sooner rather than later.” Arthur, absolutely miserable, nodded dumbly. Sensing he won’t be getting anything else out of his master, Merlin nodded back and began walking towards the doors. He must have already said goodbye to the others, but Arthur hadn’t caught a word of that in his stupor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin was halfway to the door when Arthur got struck by a tiny jolt of fear. For the first time it occurred to him that Merlin’s mother is in Ealdor, which is in Essetir, which is most definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> in Camelot. So now, not only was Merlin leaving, but he was leaving his kingdom. Merlin’s words come back to him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The hatred of Uther Pendragon knew no borders</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He shivered and before he could find a reason not to, he yelled, “Wait!” And no, it doesn’t sound desperate at all. Merlin turned around, his schooled expression betraying only a mild curiosity. Arthur had no idea what to say, but still convinced that he can’t just recall the servant, he settled for a pathetic sounding, “You should take a knight with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin smiled at the gesture, but shook his head. He gave a quick, appreciative smile for a clearly plaintive Gwaine, but his voice was fully resolved when he responded, “Ah, but you forget, I can take care of myself now.” The joke, accompanied by a mad finger wave which somehow does, in fact, convey the idea of magic, was almost funny, Arthur almost laughed. But then Merlin was speaking again and he’s back to feeling miserable. “Besides, I think the knights would be much better off here.” Correctly Arthur heard: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Besides, with me gone, I’d feel better knowing everyone was here to protect you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Arthur wished that Merlin could just think of himself, just once, so the king could see what that might look like. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin nodded again and turned so he could finish walking away. Just as he’s about to take his last step through the doorway, Arthur tried again. “Merlin!” This time when he turns around it’s with an expression that would be much more appropriate on the face of a slightly exasperated tutor dealing with a hyperactive child. Arthur swallowed, “Just, you understand, don’t you? This isn’t exile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” and he really sounded like he did, but that doesn’t reassure Arthur like it used to. “I’m just going to visit my mother.” Arthur’s confused as to how it suddenly sounded like Merlin is the one doing the reassuring because he’s certain that this wasn’t what he meant to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have two weeks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mer</span>
  </em>
  <span>lin, just two weeks and then I expect to see you right back here.” Going back to his usual imperious tone helped center him. He immediately began searching for the perfect threatening chore when Merlin, like always, beat him to the punch line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, sire, if I stayed away any longer you’d run out of clean clothes and decent speeches.” But Arthur doesn’t mind because the familiar impish gleam that he had been missing is back in Merlin’s eyes and his shoulders seemed a little bit less tense now that he has a return date. Arthur finally felt better about this plan so naturally, capitalizing on Arthur’s transitory confidence, Merlin took that moment to leave and Arthur had to begin his calming routine all over again to convince himself that he’s just gone for now and not forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned with his head in his hands, staying in this position for some unknowable stretch of time. He could hear the others fidgeting and Gwen began to rub soothing circles on his back. He wanted to ask why it’s him that they seem so concerned about. But then he remembered his friend’s words: Merlin can take care of himself now. He genuinely had no idea how long they sat in silence before he heard the doors opening. For a crazy moment he thinks it's Merlin, and through eyes adjusting to the sudden reintroduction of light, the person even looked a little like Merlin. Until, that is, the figure resolved into an out-of-breath George carrying a huge tray of food. He was just able to catch the tail end of a low bow that Merlin couldn’t have pulled off even without the food. Surprisingly, however, George looked more flustered than he ever would have imagined the servant capable of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry,” he panted out, “sire,” another breath, “that I took so long.” He began placing the plates and silverware with his normal efficiency and slowly his breathing became more controlled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long, George what are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I met Merlin on his way to his chambers, sire. He informed me that as you would certainly be in need of lunch and that, as he was leaving, I was to be tasked with ensuring that you were fed.” Arthur didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at his friend’s final (though not Final) act of consideration so instead he simply said, “Thank you, George.” The appreciation clearly pleased the man, and Arthur felt a little twinge of guilt over the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he had been half as grateful towards Merlin. “I take it you are to act as my manservant while Merlin is gone?” The servant nodded respectfully and already Arthur missed Merlin. A notion which vanished the moment he sees what George has put in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quickly looking around to confirm his suspicion he attempted to keep his voice as calm as possible when he asked, “George, what’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A salad, sire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I do see that, but why am I the only one who has one.” He could hear one of the knights choking back laughter and for their sake as well as his he refuses to look to see which one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>George stepped closer to him and promised, “Oh, you don’t have to worry, sire. Merlin already conveyed your dietary restrictions to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dietary. Restrictions.” He was finding it literally painful to control his face now. The now rather obvious cough-laughs are not helping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, sire. Merlin told me everything, and I promise I shall be the soul of discretion,” then George got even closer and to Arthur’s absolute amazement whispered, “I know how difficult it can be to lose those last few pounds. You have nothing to fear, we’ll have you back in shape in no time.” Incredibly, George, who had thus far proven to excel at everything except having an actual personality, also proved to be the worst whisperer in the world, because even sweet, loving Gwen was now trying to stifle her laughter with a napkin. Then George winked and he nearly lost it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a distinct tightness in his everything he said, “That will be all, George.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sire. I shall see you again when I bring dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, George.” Finally the servant bowed and then quickly walked out of the room. Then, to no one in particular, “I am going to murder Merlin when he gets back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a considering tone, Percival responded, “Forgive me, sire, but that does seem an awful waste when we just spent an entire morning deciding you weren’t going to do that.” Leon and Elyan, barely holding back laughter, turned to Percival to nod their agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Typical, Princess,” Gwaine rolled his eyes, “first he’s going to kill a man, then he’s not, and now suddenly he is again. Do let us know when you’ve made up your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked for support from his wife, only to find that she too was holding back tears of laughter. Giving up, he very deliberately picked up his fork and speared the largest green leaf he can find. He proceeded to eat it with the dignity of a king. It was precisely the wrong thing to do, as all at once they burst out laughing. Eventually even Arthur joined in, because it really was well done. Repressing the urge to go find his manservant and throw something at him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>if he’s even still here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Arthur waited for them to finish. When he can be sure that they’re all in control of themselves he turns to Gaius.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath, “Alright, Gaius. I would like you to tell me everything, no more lies. I want… no, I need to know just how much Merlin has done for me these past years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The old man blinked but didn't look wholly surprised. “As you should, but don’t you think it would be better if you asked him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. I would love to get the story for him, truly I would, but frankly I’m not sure if I’d ever find the truth that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sire, if it’s a matter of trust, then you should know…” he stopped at Arthur’s raised hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t. Can you honestly tell me that if I asked he would tell me everything? That, no matter what the content, he would be completely candid with the details?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gaius nodded in understanding, “I see your point. Well, I can tell you all that I know and that I remember, but as you point out, there is every chance that not even I have been told everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur gave an exhausted snort, “Well let’s see what we can figure out in two weeks at least” With another nod and a quick pinch of his nose, Gaius started talking. And so it was that just as their subject was setting out to the village that he had left all those years ago, his friends would finally learn the truth as they listened to an incredible story about duty, destiny, love, and loss. Diligently they work to rescue the truth from the shadows. When they felt they had come to a good stopping place, they were tired, certainly, but they were also in awe, humbled by even the small part of the narrative they’d managed to reconstruct. It wasn’t perfect, of course, and Arthur hadn’t liked every part that he had heard, but he was satisfied with this beginning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Merlin came back, and he could now at least be certain that he would come back, they would talk. It would probably still be awkward, but Arthur no longer had any doubt that instead of the cataclysmic event he had feared, this would one day prove to be just another moment in their story; an important one, granted, but still just a single event out of accumulated millions. It was an oddly comforting thought.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well yeah, that sure was a throwback! Hope these medieval kids work out their stuff!</p><p>Also reading this over, I remember way back when I was desperate to write in present tense, but it felt like that wasn't allowed. One of my roommates in college who would read these was constantly on me because the tenses were all over the place.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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